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User talk:Thatweirdotakugirl
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Marco Polo page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 08:08, February 20, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 08:19, February 20, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here. Starting with the basics, there are a lot of spacing issues here. "We were around the age of 12,we realized" On top of that, there are multiple capitalization, wording, punctuation wording, and story issues here that result in the story being well below quality standards. There is quite a lot of work that needs to be revised here. Capitalization issues: "Hello..My (my) name is Richard.", ""Marco!" And the others must reply "polo" ("Polo.")". "summer was coming" ("Summer"), "that summer summer) was..." Sentences not properly capitalized. ""yeah (Yeah,) we got to do something! Besides my parents aren't gonna be back..they (They) went shopping. They take forever!"." Sentences not properly capitalized. "" yeah (Yeah,) we got to do something!", "grins "okay (Okay) because we're bored BUT you know the rules~ (tilde not needed)."", "This...This (this) beast...took" Wording issues: "school was approaching rather fast (faster) than we thought". You also tend to shift between past tense and present tense. ""Boring..." Jasmine whines" (present tense) to ""MARCO POLO!" I shouted," (past tense) Awkward wording: "screaming(,) "YOU SHAN'T (shan't???) IGNORE ME!!!!!!!" Awkward wording. "I started to comfort her as I started telling her as calm as I could." Awkward wording: "Only to find the text read "See you next time, FrIeNd~."", etc. Punctuation issues: Commas missing from sentences. "Like(,) I don't know(,) play some board games? Or-"", "Got any other ideas(,) smart butt!?" (she) She yelled at him from embarrassment.", "Well(,) we can always play games like red light, green light or tag?" I asked.", "saying(,) "YOU WILL PLAY WITH ME!!".'" Apostrophes missing where pauses were implied. ""What do you say, fRiEnD?~."", ""the boy grins "ExcellentEmpyrealInvective (talk) 09:35, February 20, 2016 (UTC)"." Story issues: "12,we realized" You really should properly spacing punctuation and paragraphs. "Like I don't know play some board games? Or-" Jasmine interrupted me as she continued to color a cat purple. (???)" You have a tendency to mix multiple lines of dialogue on the same sentence. "Especially you!" Jasmine looked up at me with the sweetest smile I can imagine but her eyes were still filled with fear. "Okay Ricky.." Story issues cont: "Jasmine interrupted me as she continued to color a cat purple." Not sure what you're implying here as well as this line: "With my eye pupil and iris squished onto the card on the other side to the card". I'm sorry but it really comes off like English isn't you first language here. I would strongly suggest writing in your native language to improve your writing before attempt to post in another language. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop as there are a lot of issues here and the story isn't up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 09:35, February 20, 2016 (UTC)